culture

Why this is not a self-help blog

March 29, 2019 Kelley HuntLeave a comment

I’ve always been a sucker for a self-help book.

If you could peek at my Kindle library you would see the collection of organizing books that I have read in the hope of transforming my scatteredness. And then there are diet books and fitness plans alongside books that tell me how to use my time well and get more done or how to simplify my life and slow down. And, within the pages of these books I have found very practical, good advice that has helped me to make important changes.

But as a follower of Jesus, I must always remember the limitations of self-help books.

First of all, motivational writing is only helpful if it is true. The pages of a book can tell me that I have within myself all the keys to my own happiness and success. They can convince me that I can become anything I want to be if I try hard enough. They can tell me that the sky is the limit if I will just change what I believe about my capabilities. They can offer me all sorts of beautifully uplifting sentiments that will fill me up and make me smile. They will sound good and true but they are only partly true which makes them misleading. And it makes them wholly inadequate to sustain me when life gets really tough.

It only takes one terrible mistake, one devastating piece of bad news or heartbreaking betrayal to show me how little control I really have. At that moment, what I really need to know is that I belong to a God who is in control, even when I am not, and that nothing can ever separate me from His love or His purposes or His presence.

Another problem with self-help books is that they assume personal happiness is always my goal. But I’ve tried chasing this elusive quality and it is an impossible and exhausting exercise. Happiness has a way of always feeling just out of reach.

The Bible tells me that the goal of the Christian life is to know God and to make Him known. It also promises me that joy is the inevitable, beautiful fruit of my growing relationship with Him.

I don’t ever want to settle for mere happiness. It is flimsy and precarious and it can be snatched from me with one phone call.

God’s joy is altogether different. It is a hardy plant. It can survive, even flourish, in the midst of grief and disappointment, blossoming in impossible places.

You can’t produce it yourself though. It is the natural byproduct of a life poured out for Jesus and for others.

Another limitation of self-help books, even by Christian authors, is that they can overemphasize life here and now. Please don’t misunderstand me. I believe in John 10.10 with my whole heart. I believe that Jesus wants to give me that abundant life today. I believe that He wants to heal and deliver me from the things that hold me down and He wants to provide my needs and bless me. But, I don’t have to race around with a bucket list of experiences in order to live life well. I don’t have to chase accomplishment or acclaim in the fear of wasting this time I am given. I can enjoy life, with all its ups and downs, its limitations and disappointments, joys and blessings precisely because I know that this isn’t all there is. And, thank goodness for that! It takes the pressure off of ‘making life amazing every day’ and just allows me to enjoy the imperfect journey, knowing that there is a day coming when everything will be as it should be.

And finally, although self-help advice is often good and helpful, the ‘why’ can be a bit misguided. And why we do something really, really matters.

With my whole heart, I want to live life carefully. I want to use my time well, eliminate distractions and clutter. I want to change my thinking. I want to be less lazy and more productive. I want to expect more from myself and believe more from God. And I want to encourage others to do the same. That is why I started this blog a year ago.

But it has never been about reaching my full-potential or realizing personal dreams. I am not a slave to a Pinterest vision board or Instagram philosophies. I am running for a different prize.

I want to use my time well because there is need in the world that God wants to meet. I want to be more oganized so I can make time for what has eternal value. Decluttering matters because stuff is way less important than people. Health and fitness matter because there is Kingdom work to do and I need the energy to do it. I need to look after my mental health so I can enjoy everything God has given me and so I can love others well.

And I should ask Jesus to work every healing and deliverance in my life that is needed because people who are whole can best lead others into wholeness.

Self-help can be just a poor copy of something much better. I have a Shepherd who loves me. He promises to lead me and restore my soul and He says I will want for nothing. He takes my broken, imperfect life and makes it a Kingdom resource in His powerful hands. He helps me overcome obstacles so I can walk on my high places. Not because I am all that amazing, but because He really is.

What a relief that is!

I know my limitations but I know the limitless transforming power of the Creator of the Universe which trumps any weakness I bring to the table.

This girl doesn’t need any self-help. I just need to help myself to the spiritual treasures that are mine because of Jesus.

And then any good I accomplish will be all for His glory and for the renowned of His wonderful name.

Clearing Christmas clutter

December 11, 2018December 11, 2018 Kelley HuntLeave a comment

We finally faced the dreaded task last weekend and cleaned out the loft.

It was pretty miserable, dusty, dirty work but it needed to be done. With children coming and going, moving in and moving out, the loft was filled to the brim with all sorts and it had become impossible to locate the last few Christmas decorations. So, I announced a family work day with the promise of pizza reward.

If your family is anything like ours, clutter is a constant battle. As soon as you clear a surface in the house, it seems to instantly become a magnet for keys, post, phones and pretty much anything else that needs a home.

And there are other kinds of clutter. We can pile up unmade decisions or unresolved conflicts. Too many commitments or projects can squeeze the life out of our routines until they are joyless. And of course, worries, fears and negative thoughts often clutter our minds and drown out God’s voice.

Don’t be fooled, clutter is nothing but a thief. It steals our time and our attention, clogging up closets and minds. It distracts and derails us. It burdens us and pulls us down.

And, Christmas is no exception.

When clutter fills our holidays, what is really important can disappear under a pile of festive jumble.

But we can fight it if we want to.

And we can start by saying no. Over Christmas the invitations are endless. So is the list of things we think we ‘have to do’. It is impossible to do it all so we must learn to be selective. What is most important and what can you just leave out this year? What gives you joy and fills you up? What do you dread? There are, of course, responsibilities and commitments that are non-negotiable but there are also things we do that are unnecessary and just serve to wear us out. I love receiving Christmas cards but I find it very hard to organize myself to send them, so I don’t. For years the kids and I would have a big all day baking marathon. It was so much fun but now they are all working and busy so we had to let it go. My girlfriends and I often wait until January for a big get-together. It is a fun event to look forward to and one less item to fit into the Christmas calendar. What can you leave out this year or reschedule for the New Year that will free up some time and space in your schedule and in your heart?

Then, resist the hype. Every advert on the television, daytime tv slot or magazine cover tells you that Christmas has to be perfect and that it has to be expensive. Don’t listen, it isn’t true. It is meaning that makes celebrations special, not matching baubles or a perfect party outfit. Most of my decorations are quite old now, but they are filled with memories, like the mugs that Paul and I were given on our first Christmas after we were married or the Christmas quilt the women in my family made together years ago.

So, this year, look the culture square in the eye and swim upstream. De-emphasize perfection and acquisition. Emphasize the unseen virtues of tradition and generosity of spirit. Be different. Celebrate Christmas in a way that gets you noticed. Travel light and be a light.

And learn to love simplicity. Christmas lunch doesn’t need dozens of side dishes. It really doesn’t. Streamline it down to the most popular elements. Make the table pretty and then enjoy. If you really love baking and have time then go for it, but if not, don’t sweat. I now make just three cookie recipes every year and then I buy stolen and Italian panettone. That’s it. Boring maybe, but it saves me overspending and overeating and frees up time to just be with people I love. I don’t need to be a martyr to an endless supply of baked goods or a gourmet lunch.

The key with Christmas is to include what is important and then to be brave enough to let the unnecessary go.

So, think before you buy. As we are trying to clear our own lives of clutter, let’s not contribute to anyone else’s. Spend much more time thinking about what to give and less time walking around the shops, dazed and desperate. I find myself favouring gifts that are perishable much more now and I try and avoid anything that will need storage or dusting. Gourmet food, toiletries, candles or gift vouchers for activities like the cinema have become my go-to’s. If in doubt, just ask and save yourself from wasteful guesses. Let’s be honest, most of us don’t need any more knick-knacks.

Then, make time for quiet. In order to enjoy the spiritual aspects of this season, we have to make room to think and to meet with God. I like to get up early before my young adults have emerged, and sit by the tree with my Bible. There is something so important about worshipping first before the craziness of the day starts. I also take any chance I am given to get outside and just walk. I have learned this tip from the British and there is no better way to balance out the overdose of chocolates and mince pies. A brisk walk somewhere beautiful is a very good way to clear mental clutter. It can put things in perspective and still our souls. Without these moments of escape, we run the risk of starting the New Year with ragged emotions and tired hearts.

And finally, make space for loving people. Over Christmas, we will inevitably be spending time with people we find difficult or with whom we have a strained relationship or just clashing personalities. Instead of accepting the awkwardness and enduring it, how about approaching it with prayer? Praying now for those we will be seeing over the holidays in the days leading up to our get-togethers is so powerful. It makes space in our hearts for love for family members or colleagues and it has the power to change and heal situations.

People are what matters, so make relationships the priority.

Decide today that Christmas will be clutter free. Be brave enough to let the tinsel go and fill the days with only the good stuff.

Enjoy it. Do what you love. Do what matters. Play games and laugh. Kiss your husband. Be generous with words and smiles and time and attention. Read the Chrismas story. Wonder at His love for humanity. Weep at His love for you.

The recipe for a good Christmas isn’t rocket science. Start every day with worship and end it with gratitude. And, fill the middle with love.

Native-born

May 20, 2018May 21, 2018 Kelley HuntLeave a comment

I spent the day yesterday glued to all things Royal as I watched Harry and Meghan tie the knot. While this eclectic, British/American wedding unfolded, I couldn’t help but think about nationality and culture.

I have now lived in the UK for over 30 years and in many ways, I feel quite British. I understand their dry sense of humour now and know the affectionate place it comes from. I have been completely infected by the British love of gardens and pubs and roast lunches. I have even come to enjoy rainy day walks as long as I get the obligatory cup of tea afterwards. I have learned to talk less and listen more and to drop everything when the sun is shining and enjoy it.

But whether I like it or not, my nationality always shows itself eventually.

I like tea, but I LIVE for coffee and I drink it out of a Cowgirl mug. My laugh is way too loud and please do not take me to a restaurant that does not have a burger on the menu or we cannot be friends.

I am way too optimistic to be passed off a local. I hate English mustard and fish and chips. And don’t take away my visa, but am pretty indifferent about nature programs. Sorry.

Nachos still are, and always will be my love language.

That is because I am a native-born American and where I spent the first 17 years of my life still affects what I like and what I don’t.

In Ephesians 5.8, before Paul encourages us to live carefully, He explains why.

Because we are children of light, or as the Amplified version says, ‘native-born to the light.’

In the next verse, Paul tells us a life of light consists of every form of kindly-goodness, uprightness of heart, and trueness of life.

As Christians, this is our culture and it should colour who we are.

In this harsh, critical, hateful world we show where we are from when we choose kindness. This kindness will stop others in their gossiping tracks and it can change the atmosphere in our place of work and our homes.

Those of us native-born to light should be immediately uncomfortable with all hypocrisy and any kind of posturing or posing. Instead, we can be known for our sincerity and integrity, both of which are in very short supply in 2018.

We shouldn’t be surprised if we have no taste for things that are tasteless or off-colour because we love what He loves and hate what He hates.

Our natural desire should always be for justice, mercy and humility, (Micah 6.8b). Unforgiveness, vengeance, bitterness and pride should feel very uncomfortable to us. Followers of Jesus love like He loves or they are not followers.

And, our natural habitat should always be with those in need, not the cool group

After 33 years in this country, I have to fight hard to keep my American identity. That is because I want to fit in here. I want to understand others and to be understood. But I have to be careful not to lose who I am. It is the same with Kingdom culture.

We have to find a way to live here, love our neighbours, listen, understand and be involved. But we cannot afford to lose who we are because it is our distinctiveness that makes us useful, not our blending in.

Don’t be afraid to be different, to show where you come from and who you are. Don’t be afraid to be the kind one, the generous one, the forgiving one.

Live the set-apart, laid-down life you are made for.

Stand up and stand out. Stand alone if you have too.

Love the world you live in enough to change it.

‘Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.’ Romans 12.2 The Message.